Goodbye: Alexander Frolov

I was waiting until Fro-love actually signed with another team to write this. That's how much I was hoping it wasn't going to happen. It's the Rangers and not the Ducks or Wings, right? That's kind of OK. It could be Edmonton. Who am I kidding? This blows.

Frolov was one of the last guys left from the team that was in place when I moved to LA. Now there's only Dustin Brown… and his big fat baby head that makes him look like human incarnation of one my old professor's paintings. To be fair, that team really sucked and did not make the playoffs… for the next seven years. Somehow I still convinced about 14 classmates to play broomball in the halls of our apartment complex… and got our school banned from said building.

No more big goofy wall-eyed Russian who kind of sounds like Balki (though fake Chris Kontos says he's Latke from Taxi) and his stupid, timid, adorable smile.

Now there's some Ukranian dude named Ponikpovichinsky or something. Some people confuse that with Russian, but you can't fool me!

Fun fact: insidethekings.com, the name of Rich Hammond's old blog, sent me to a site about teacup poodles. I can't make this shit up.

When Luc retired I realised I was an adult even though I had already legally been an adult for a while.

I will probably end up getting drunk and sleeping in my car in San Jose Inglechester La Verne Hermosa Beach like I did when Luc retired. This is legal as long as you don't sleep in the drivers seat. Unlike when Luc retired I'm not crying like a baby, and probably won't cry when I watch videos on YouTube (this is helpful when you need to get out of work so some relative whose already dead conveniently dies again).

Alex Frolov is a remnant of my young adulthood. He probably looked something this around the first time… er, uh, nevermind. Look at how skinny he was!

The one of the league's least ugly Russians is leaving LA. Who is his competition anyways? Evgeni Malkin? He looks like he has down syndrome or some other kind of chromosomal disorder. This makes for one less person around here I can actually look in the face. I kind of have a thing where I really can't make eye contact with some one who has had obvious plastic surgery. I've been looking at a lot of foreheads for the past few years.

Take good care him, Hank, Avery, That Other Staal Brother, and uh, they still have Brian Boyle?

Who will be the pretty ho now?!

Goodbye: Those Other Guys

Fredrik Modin: "Modin doesn't watch the replays. Modin knows he scored." I don't really remember ever listening to you talk. You scored goals in the playoffs, so that's really going to suck expecting these other guys to be able to score on the 5-on-5 in the playoffs next year. So I hope they watched carefully.



If you had stayed around longer I would have written to be something like The Most Interesting Man in the World. I don't even know why. You look more like Drunk Hulk.



Jeff Halpern: I decided I want to you stay. Only so I can post this picture every week.

Oops. Wrong Randy Jones.

At first you confused us. Another guy from Philly? Then you excited us. You scored some goals when the team was down a few guys (Ryan Smyth and Rob Scuderi). Then, you forgot that stuff. Then you forgot the defense part of your job. Then you got whiplash. Then, well, more of that stuff I mentioned before.



You restored my confidence in Peter Harrold. Thank you.

Goodbye: Raitis Ivanans

Some people might be saying "Good riddance" to Raitis Ivanans, but I'm not one of those people. Much like the food chain, hockey needs it's big scary things that keep the smaller ones in line. You, Raitis, are one of those big scary things, what with your biceps being bigger than your head and all.

Some of us make coffee, some sell drugs, others deal with idiots all day. You fight. You also spit and swear, and anyone who gets paid to fight and swear while wearing ice skates is OK in my book. I'm not so big on the spitting, but it is a necessary evil.



So now I'm left wondering what big scary dude will be stepping in the enforcer role here in LA. Who will take the team to see Billy Elliot when they're in New York?!

Goodbye: Sean O'Donnell

No one can blame you for not wanting to retire yet, OD. I won't begrudge you that. Hell, we even named an imaginary—at least I think it's imaginary—legal clause after you. No Duck can be a King unless he was a King first, it's the Sean O'Donnell Clause*. This lets me hold out hope that some day George Parros will see the err in his ways.



In Philly, you'll be able to fight Dion Phanuef some more. You'll also get eat some strange thing called a "cheesesteak." Whatever. I don't think it's as good as an animal style double-double when you're hungover or just got off a five-hour plane ride. No, that is not a sex act.

I've been watching you since I was a kid so it's hard not to be sentimental.

Have fun, and maybe we'll see you back in the Southland in a few years.

*Someone on LGK made this up. I can't take credit.

Goodbye: Teddy Purcell

Well, Teddy, that time has come. We knew you were going to get traded. You were taking up too much room in the press box and we need that for shiny things to entertain Raitis Ivanans, and Davis Drewiske's hair products. You're already in Tampa* (Sorry). Located on America's wang (Sorry). Maybe you'll get your groove back there. Maybe you'll even be able to play a bottom-six winger consistently. Maybe you'll turn out to be another Matt Moulson, but signs point to no.

Something Teddy really isn't used to anymore.

We here in LA have put together some useful tips to help ease your transition.

• Your teammates will really like the new guy better if you have an identity. We don't really know what it means, but we think Matt Greene was saying you have no personality.
• Florida is a Spring Break hot spot, but don't let that fool you. Always ask for proof of age. Especially since only the poor kids would go to a dump like Tampa.
• Practice your golf swing. I hope you listened to Brad Richardson.

Teddy, as we'll always remember him.

*As someone who has been to Tampa several times (stupid family) I can vouch for it's suckage.

Trade Times!

(Teddy Purcell, Alex Frolov, and Jack Johnson)

Teddy Purcell was traded for this dude:

Seriously, there is already a photo of him in the Kings jersey up on the site. Go look for yourself. A faceoff guy will fit-in nicely when Jarret Stoll's junk goes out of whack. Again. UPDATE: Kwisp has a post about the nice copy and paste job from the Kings staffers.

There were some slices of fried gold on the Battle of California post about Lubo going to the Quacks. My favorite: You may own his body, but you don’t own his heart.

The Lubo cookies will make you feel better.

This may be the single greatest thing I have accomplished in five minutes.

Guess who is staying put.

Obligatory Jeremy Roenick Post

Top 10 pop culture moments in JR's career

Roenick's time in L.A. brought out the vaudevillian in him, as he entertained the crowd during a preseason game with this dazzling display of dance. Seriously, we hadn't seen disco moves like this since that bar scene in "Airplane!"

See Ya Later Roenick

When he arrived in Los Angeles, we only got more of the same. He complained that his lack of productivity was because of a skate problem and he showed up out of shape. As if that wasn’t bad enough, he said that his horrible play was his payback for the lockout. You’d think that he was done, but he wasn’t—he just took the Kings money and ran.

Matthew Barry has no love for JR

Then he blamed his skates. He continuously fell down like a weeble and would blame his blades, or the cut in the blade, or the equipment manager who didn't know how to sharpen his skates.

There you go. This Kings fan wants my money back that I spent on games during Roenick's stint in Los Angeles. Lucky for you, JR, it's not much since your season with the Kings was during my senior year of college. Having eight classes in one semester distracted me from your complete suckage... most of the time.



Apparently our dear Jeremy also has a porn actor look alike and likes to crash weddings and steal things. I don't really believe JR has really been stealing things from weddings, but it is funny to think about.

It takes a special man to be disliked more than Sean Avery. For the record, I'd rather read Avery's blog. I'll bet he knows what shoes are going to be in for fall.

Goodbye: Kyle Quincey

Kyle Quincey, as we like to remember him. Even though that's Detroit's Cup.

Well Kyle, to be honest, I am pretty sad that this day had to come. Most of us in LA were pretty fond of you, I think. The fact that you look kind of like Ed Norton will help you fit in anywhere. Just stop frosting your hair or whatever the hell it is you're doing to it, please. You will get even more chicks if you don't look like a late '90s senior yearbook photo.

In my head, the one where Luc is a giant Keebler elf, you and Wayne Simmonds liked to dress up Oscar Moller. At least, that's the only explanation for those weird photos where Oscar is wearing what white 50 year-old CEOs would call "urban" makes sense. In my head. What's with white people and bad sweater parties? I also think you and Simmonds took Oscar to a Western wear shop and dressed him up like a cowboy.

...and Tom Preissing, who was also traded, what the hell did you do again? All can think of is your bad contract. I've already forgotten what you look like and whether or not you're Canadian. In any case, I hope for your sake you suck less in Colorado. Maybe you should let Kyle beat you up some, to toughen you up, or just make women feel sorry for you can get some strange. Edit: I've been told that Tom Pressing is married. My best to Mrs. Preissing. (nervous laughter)

You can now look forward to bad Photoshops of Ryan Smyth and his mullet of doom.