Friday, August 13, 2010

Filler Friday: Search Terms

Search terms are those nifty words people type into search engines (yes, I remember a day when Google didn't exist). My trackers collect these things for me like tiny trained monkeys. These are only some of them…

alexander frolov and stds mention STDs once and it all goes to hell.
jason allison ex-wife name: Jason Allison was married?
Drew Doughty STD: See above.

Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me… wait, what?

curling pants ...are amazing?
wanted dead or alive word templates: Nope. Nothing that useful here.
creepy sidney crosby: Yeah... he kinda is when he tries to grow facial hair.
is brad richardson missing teeth? Why are people always asking me these things?
when you hate both teams: and watch anyways, because, well, it's hockey, and it's on TV.
what is matt greene wearting(sic)? Awesome incarnate.
murray parros: I don't know which is better: Grey-haired George Parros coaching or Terry Murray with that porn 'stache?
jarret stoll sharkeez: I'm pretty sure I started this trend. I have never seen Jarret Stoll in Sharkeez because that would require setting foot in a Sharkeez.
non sensical explanation: My specialty.
los angeles kings resign frolove (sic): No. No they did not.
shit hawks swooping line: The wisdom of Mr. Leahy.
teddy purcell drunk: I actually do have photos of this.
gema estevez zeiler: I have no idea.

Disclaimer: Besides a couple of poor bastards I went to college with, I have no idea who has herpes or HPV.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Goodbye: Alexander Frolov

I was waiting until Fro-love actually signed with another team to write this. That's how much I was hoping it wasn't going to happen. It's the Rangers and not the Ducks or Wings, right? That's kind of OK. It could be Edmonton. Who am I kidding? This blows.

Frolov was one of the last guys left from the team that was in place when I moved to LA. Now there's only Dustin Brown… and his big fat baby head that makes him look like human incarnation of one my old professor's paintings. To be fair, that team really sucked and did not make the playoffs… for the next seven years. Somehow I still convinced about 14 classmates to play broomball in the halls of our apartment complex… and got our school banned from said building.

No more big goofy wall-eyed Russian who kind of sounds like Balki (though fake Chris Kontos says he's Latke from Taxi) and his stupid, timid, adorable smile.

Now there's some Ukranian dude named Ponikpovichinsky or something. Some people confuse that with Russian, but you can't fool me!

Fun fact:, the name of Rich Hammond's old blog, sent me to a site about teacup poodles. I can't make this shit up.

When Luc retired I realised I was an adult even though I had already legally been an adult for a while.

I will probably end up getting drunk and sleeping in my car in San Jose Inglechester La Verne Hermosa Beach like I did when Luc retired. This is legal as long as you don't sleep in the drivers seat. Unlike when Luc retired I'm not crying like a baby, and probably won't cry when I watch videos on YouTube (this is helpful when you need to get out of work so some relative whose already dead conveniently dies again).

Alex Frolov is a remnant of my young adulthood. He probably looked something this around the first time… er, uh, nevermind. Look at how skinny he was!

The one of the league's least ugly Russians is leaving LA. Who is his competition anyways? Evgeni Malkin? He looks like he has down syndrome or some other kind of chromosomal disorder. This makes for one less person around here I can actually look in the face. I kind of have a thing where I really can't make eye contact with some one who has had obvious plastic surgery. I've been looking at a lot of foreheads for the past few years.

Take good care him, Hank, Avery, That Other Staal Brother, and uh, they still have Brian Boyle?

Who will be the pretty ho now?!