Filler Friday: Search Terms

Search terms are those nifty words people type into search engines (yes, I remember a day when Google didn't exist). My trackers collect these things for me like tiny trained monkeys. These are only some of them…

alexander frolov and stds ...you mention STDs once and it all goes to hell.

jason allison ex-wife name: Jason Allison was married?

Drew Doughty STD: See above.



Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me… wait, what?

curling pants ...are amazing?

wanted dead or alive word templates: Nope. Nothing that useful here.

creepy sidney crosby: Yeah... he kinda is when he tries to grow facial hair.

is brad richardson missing teeth? Why are people always asking me these things?

when you hate both teams: and watch anyways, because, well, it's hockey, and it's on TV.

what is matt greene wearting(sic)? Awesome incarnate.

murray parros: I don't know which is better: Grey-haired George Parros coaching or Terry Murray with that porn 'stache?

jarret stoll sharkeez: I'm pretty sure I started this trend. I have never seen Jarret Stoll in Sharkeez because that would require setting foot in a Sharkeez.

non sensical explanation: My specialty.

los angeles kings resign frolove (sic): No. No they did not.

shit hawks swooping line: The wisdom of Mr. Leahy.

teddy purcell drunk: I actually do have photos of this.

gema estevez zeiler: I have no idea.

Disclaimer: Besides a couple of poor bastards I went to college with, I have no idea who has herpes or HPV.

That other Russian guy that isn't Frolov told through LOLcats

Filler Friday: Anaface

Anaface is some little program that is supposed to analyze facial features in proportion and symmetry and access how beauteous one is.

What does this have to do with hockey players? Well, I got bored and put some of them in Anaface.

Let's start off with someone we all know...


Sidney Crosby is pushing a 6.59/10 which is not too shabby. Those big fat lips aren't helping him here, though. Perhaps Angelina Jolie can give him some pointers on looking like a prostitute pouting.



Drew Doughty has a 6.43/10. Some creepy chicks on the internet may argue about that one. If Emeril Lagasse mated with a teddy bear, then somehow the fetus was exposed to radiation, the result would be Doughnuts.



Fro-love has a 6.11/10. Getting hit in the face a lot may affect symmetry. Just a hunch. I'm pretty sure we won't be seeing those big blue eyes back in LA in October. This makes McSwarley sad.



Jack Johnson can't even crack 5 points. Again, he's been hit in the face. A lot.



Somehow, even with a bag over my head, I can do better than Sidney Crosby. Obviously this thing is broken.

Filler Friday: Shit Hawks

They're swooping in low.

Filler Friday: Shark Hatred

Just imagine Patrick Kane has Mr. T's stupid haircut instead of a mullet. What, you were expecting Dustin Byfuglien?

Things I hate almost as much as the Sharks:

• "The Office."
• Paragraphs containing double-spaces after final punctuation even though there has been no need for it for at least the past fifteen years, unless you're using an actual typewriter.
• That it seems at least 75% of the general population is obsessed with bacon.
• The cancellation of "My Name is Earl."
• Creme filling.
• Listening to Republicans fight over who is more conservative in one of the most liberal states in the country. You know, where that might not be a good thing when campaigning for governor.
• Brian Willsie.

The most non-sensical explanation of a first round playoff match, ever

I was busy doing taxes and replacing a shower head. Here we go:

Stay with me here...

Don't be fooled by that sly smile.

That's right, it's time for the trainers' revenge!

I've my tickets for Monday, April 21st. Hockey in April. Yeah, motherfuckers!

Here's a Rick Springfield video:

Filler Friday... Celebrities?

I wept a little inside.*



One of the first Google results for "celebrities and hockey" turns up this story about Bollywood. After a vigorous YouTube search I have determined that they were probably referring to that grass hockey that little girls in English prep schools play.

Nothing more annoying than a foreign person who says "ice hockey" instead of just hockey.



Sure, random-celebrity I never heard of until people started saying you were banging Doughnuts, sure you love hockey for the fights.


"I don't know what you're talking about."

If you were in it for the fights, you'd show this guy some love...

No really, where are all the Simmonds fan girls?

*Mostly because my dad is a Blues fan. He's from St Louis.

Trade Times!

(Teddy Purcell, Alex Frolov, and Jack Johnson)

Teddy Purcell was traded for this dude:

Seriously, there is already a photo of him in the Kings jersey up on the site. Go look for yourself. A faceoff guy will fit-in nicely when Jarret Stoll's junk goes out of whack. Again. UPDATE: Kwisp has a post about the nice copy and paste job from the Kings staffers.

There were some slices of fried gold on the Battle of California post about Lubo going to the Quacks. My favorite: You may own his body, but you don’t own his heart.

The Lubo cookies will make you feel better.

This may be the single greatest thing I have accomplished in five minutes.

Guess who is staying put.

Filler Friday

Now, what does this remind me of... ?

It reminds me of fuzzy screencaps from Happy Gilmore!

Matt Greene: 237 lbs / 107.5 kg

Erik Ersberg: 165 lbs / 74.84kg

Since Budweiser is now owned by Belgians, not to mention just plain bad. I recommend the following:

North to the future!

Own it.

Your moment of Zen:

Last night I dreamt of San Pedro?

Who wants to go to Edmonton?

With your host: Derek Armstrong!

DEREK ARMSTRONG: Hello, and welcome to our annual episode of "Who wants to go to Edmonton?" I'm your host, Derek Armstrong. Let's introduce this year's contestants. First is Teddy Purcell.
TEDDY PURCELL: I… I don't understand. Are we going to be on TV?
ARMSTRONG: Shut up, Teddy. Next we have the designated Russian. A mystery wrapped in an enigma, Alexander Frolov.
ALEXANDER FROLOV: Please don't send me to the gulags. Please.
ARMSTRONG: Finally, former first round draft pick, third overall, and media gadfly, Jack Johnson.
JACK JOHNSON: Screw you guys. Why the hell am I here?
ARMSTRONG: (laughs) Maybe you should—
JOHNSON: Shouldn't some one like Raitis be here?
ARMSTRONG: He is here. In our studio audience.
(Cut to empty audience except for Jarrett Stoll who is eating a burrito, and Raitis Ivanans who is reading Bridget Jones' Diary.)
RAITIS IVANANS: (waves copy of Bridget Jones wildly) Hey guys! You wanna go see Cats next week?
JOHNSON: Seriously?!
ARMSTRONG: (nervous laughter) You've met our contestants. Now onto our first trivia question. What year was the State of California… admitted to the Union? Americans are weird. Teddy?
PURCELL: Are you really going to send one of us to Edmonton?
ARMSTRONG: Edmonton, Calgary, Pittsburgh… they're all cold landlocked cities. Alex?
FROLOV: One-thousand eight-hundred fifty.
ARMSTRONG: You are… right! 50 points for Alex. Jack, what did you write?
JOHNSON: I wrote… "Suck it Army!"
ARMSTRONG: That would be funnier if you were Sean Connery.
JARRET STOLL: (throws popcorn) Booo! It's happy hour at Sharkeez right now!
ARMSTRONG: Our next trivia question—
JOHNSON: What happened to Teddy?



(cut to a lamp sitting on Teddy Purcell's podium)
ARMSTRONG: I have no idea what you're talking about. Ahem. Anyways, the next trivia question, what is your number. Just write the number that's on your jersey. Teddy?
(lamp sitting on podium)
ARMSTRONG: Teddy, you drew a picture of a log. I'm sorry, that is not a number.
JOHNSON: What? How did that lamp draw a picture of a log?!
ARMSTRONG: Alex? You wrote 24. You can actually write your number. That's 100 points for Mr. Frolov.
JOHNSON: Show off!
ARMSTRONG: Jack, you wrote, "Go Blue."
JOHNSON: Go blue!
ARMSTRONG: What does that even mean?
FROLOV: In Soviet Russia the only blue we had was that of frozen flesh after somebody die in the river.
ARMSTRONG: That's disturbing, Fro. Our final challenge: Name something Oscar Moller can do better than you. Teddy?



(log sitting on podium)
ARMSTRONG: Teddy, you drew a heart. I suppose maybe Oscar can love better than you since you have no personality. I'll give you the 200 points.
IVANANS: Wooo! Go Teddy! After this we watch Degrassi The Next Generation, yes?
ARMSTRONG: Alex, you wrote "Be blonde." I guess since you are not blonde Oscar is better at being blonde. 200 points for Frolov.
FROLOV: No gulags?!
ARMSTRONG: I can't make any guarantees. Just for fun, let's see what Jack had to say — Jack, you drew a box of Summer's Eve feminine hygiene product. Judges?
STOLL: You suck!
IVANANS: No. Oscar is nice young man.
ARMSTRONG: I'm sorry, Jack, but the judges have spoken. I award you no points, and may the hockey gods have mercy on your soul.

(friendly glove tap to Loser Domi)

Filler Friday!

A blog I used read, back before blogs were hip, used to have Filler Fridays. Enjoy filler!

First, we have an Avalanche fan who lost a bet with C.C. Deville.

Also at Saturday's game, there were random people with wings handing out candy saying “Colorado loves California.” My first thought? Colorado is trying to poison us.

Finally, here's some kid in a Dodger blue knock-off Kopitar jersey.

…thus concludes this first Filler Friday.