Up-Chuking

Today will be day five of free agency or the Kovalchuk Sweepstakes. Dean Lombardi has yet to sign any free agents, so of course Kings fans are whining, panicking, threatening suicide and whatnot. Hey, I would like to have a Richard Rocket Trophy winner as much as any other fan out there. I also see that in the salary-cap era, bleeding the team dry to pay that one player is a really fucking dumb idea.

You know what else sucks about a $100M contract? No one wants to take that trade! If Kovy ends up on the wrong side of Matt Cooke's knee and suddenly becomes an overpaid 15-goal scorer, that really is a huge blunder. Suddenly the Justin Williams deal doesn't seem so bad since it's not a 10+year contract.



If anyone is going to get a 10 year contract out of Deano it's Drew Doughty, who has had the crown tattoo'd on his ass since the age of five.

I don't know that much about Ilya Kovalchuk. I don't know if he's really a nice guy who recycles, and adopts dogs from the shelter instead of buying them from stores who get their animals from evil, no good puppy farms. He might be the first guy you call when you're too drunk to drive yourself home and don't have the cash for a cab.

If Kovalchuk does take an offer from a team like the Islanders, Panthers, or Columbus—who all have the cap space—instead of team like the Kings it does tell me one thing: he cares a whole lot more about money than being on a playoff team.

I want a second-line centre* and a sniper for Christmas. I really do.

I'm not a Dean Lombardi cheerleader, but this is the longest the Kings have ever stuck to a plan instead of looking for the quick-fix.

You know what else? I'm not a GM. I don't expect a whole lot of other people to be capable of my job, putting up with my batshit crazy boss and clientele, and not screwing up severely to cost money I don't have.

*Jarret Stoll is third-line centre number one. You know it, I know it, and the Canadian people know it. I've given up on explaining backchecking to other Americans.